In the Greenroom: Unraveling the Birthplace of Gaslighting

Due to the surprising popularity of my first post, I thought I would write a quick post to help people understand the origin of the term "Gaslighting" and its growth throughout history.

So, what on earth is Gaslighting?

At its core, gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional abuse.

Emotional Abuse?

"Ah jeez, would you look at this…are we just creating new terms for every little hurt feeling nowadays?" - Archie Bunker

I understand. But gaslighting indeed has roots in dysfunction, abuse, and manipulative environments.

"Gaslighting" is when someone, a spouse, or perhaps even trusted "Pastor Cliff" causes you to question your memories, character, perceptions, or even your reality.

Why would they do that? Because they want power and control. And trust me, it's as sneaky as it sounds.

The Evolution of Gaslighting:

Believe it or not, the whole concept of gaslighting isn't a modern-day idea. Gaslighting was understood by the psychiatric world long before it became a trending hashtag or the topic of a viral tweet. The term was used in psychological literature as early as the 1960s and 1970s. Since then, it has grown in popularity, especially with the rise of the internet and social media.

So, where did it begin? (Cue dramatic music and lights)

In 1938, Patrick Hamilton wrote a play called Gas Light. The story? A husband tried to convince his wife she was going crazy and losing her mind. He made tiny changes in their home (dimming the gas lights, for example) and then denied the changes ever happened. I won't tell you how it ends, but the point is he played psychological mind games on his wife to convince her of things that were not real.

That's a lot of work to get his wife out of the house! 😊

The play by Patrick Hamilton was so impactful that Hollywood adapted it into a movie called Gas Light in 1944. Ingrid Bergman didn't just star in it; she won an Oscar for Best Actress. The film itself earned several awards. And the big takeaway? It introduced the term "gaslighting" to the world.

It resonated with culture because it gave a name to something many had felt but couldn't describe.

And now you know the rest of the story.

Almost.

The Real Cost of Gaslighting

Gaslighting isn't just a brief hiccup of doubt. Right after it happens, most people feel like they're on an island - alone, stressed out, and constantly questioning their every move.

And if you let it fester? It can seriously affect your mental health, leading to depression and major relationship trust problems.

And if a church leader is the gaslighter? A leader you trust and respect? The impact can have detrimental effects if left unaddressed.

I compiled a list of nine of the most common impacts of Gaslighting. Many of these I have experienced, and if you are reading this blog, I bet you have too. My apologies in advance if I trigger anything.

Seriously.

Nine Common Impacts of Gaslighting

1. Loss of Self-Confidence: Constant doubt about your character and second-guessing can erode your confidence in your memories, decisions, and beliefs.

2. Feeling of Isolation: You feel isolated because you are unsure who to trust. You will distance yourself from friends and family to avoid confrontation or further manipulation. I struggled to go into my office for weeks.

3. Chronic Anxiety: The ongoing state of confusion and doubt can lead to anxiety. You might constantly feel on edge, waiting for the next manipulative word to drop.

4. Depression: Over time, the emotional toll of gaslighting can lead to feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and even depression.

5. Trust Issues: You might struggle to trust new people or even those you have known for a long time.

6. Physical Symptoms: The stress and anxiety from gaslighting could manifest physically, leading to headaches, stomach issues, panic attacks, or superpowers. (I'm just making sure you are paying attention.)

7. Impaired Decision Making: As you doubt your memories and feelings, you might struggle to make decisions, fearing you will make the wrong choice based on distorted reality. One afternoon, while driving in traffic, lost in my head, I slowly came to a dead stop in the middle of the road. The stop was only about 15 seconds...but the why still haunts me. There was no reason, I was just lost in my decision-making.

8. Self-Doubt: Do I need to say anything more about that?

9. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): In severe cases, I imagine that prolonged gaslighting can lead to reliving the emotional trauma.

Still with me? Grab that paper bag and take some deep breaths. It's going to be ok.

Now look. I am not a counselor, psychologist, or Dr. Phil. I'm just a Pastor who has walked the same path many of you are on. I've felt the impact of gaslighting and the gut-churning self-doubt that can take over your thoughts.

It's a heavy weight to carry.

For me, the weight forced a deep look inward to halt the spread of self-doubt that would have consumed me had it not been for the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in me.

That's why I have developed this blog. I want to help followers of Jesus overcome the hurt caused by church leaders. They still love God, they still love Jesus, but they resent the church. They love Jesus but don't trust the church.

I hope that eventually, in time, you will love and trust the church, too. Christ died for the church – so we can't throw her out with the bathwater.

But maybe we can settle for a meathead or two.

- Joe Donahue

If this post has been helpful to you, would you please share it on social media? Thanks!